The recording ran out just before Fr. Brian Taylor made a statement saying "There are same-gender couples in this room that I have known for many years, and I have seen just as much of God's grace and holiness in their love for one another as I have seen in heterosexual couples. There are people whom we are unable to present for ordination who are called and qualified for sacramental ministry. Before I retire as Rector of this parish, I want to celebrate holy unions for these couples at this altar, and I want to present qualified candidates for ordination from this parish who happen to be gay or lesbian."

Transcript of the proceedings:

After an opening prayer, the Moderator (Rector’s Warden Bob Stice) began.

MODERATOR:

Welcome to all of you. Thank you for being here. Welcome to you, Bishop. Thank

you for being here. One of the things that we’re aware of is that

A) your time is very valuable;

B) most places you go these days, everybody wants a piece of you,

and you probably were hoping that this would be different.

(CONGREGATIONAL LAUGHTER)

And, I assure you that it, it will be. We have been couching this for several weeks

now as a listening process, and we’re serious about that. Amongst the information

that exists, as you’re aware of, the study guide for the Lambeth Listening Exercise

next year. A couple of points that are made in that are important, I think,

and those are that listening happens when

A) there is a common place that we all come to share our opinions, and

B) when there is a SAFE ground for people to speak, and for people to be heard. I think all of us are aware today that in the Church, as well most other institutions in our society, there is a lot more talking AT each other, sometimes YELLING at each other, than there is listening.

So a part of what we want to model is that this can be one of those beginnings of the

listening process in the true sense, and that’s why we invited you here, and we’re

thankful that you accepted our invitation. As you know, at St. Michael’s, a lot of

people like you. We haven’t voted lately, but I think you probably would still get the

majority of the vote. You’re among friends, and we love you and respect you as our

chief pastor and as our bishop. So, we’re delighted to have this chance to have this

conversation with you. And at St. Michael’s, we have a reputation for being a

diverse group of people. We do have a few odd characters, but once you get past the

clergy staff, and the rector’s warden, and maybe Pepper, everybody else are pretty

normal, you know, healthy folks. And, so…so this is as formal as it’s going to get.

What we really want to have is a listening process and a conversation, you know,

with you. And also for you to have the opportunity without other pressures, to

really just be able to listen to the folks who are here, and to what’s on their hearts.

There are no rules; there’s no agenda. Brian has, has already told you to please at

least observe the procedure of going to a microphone. That’s not to be formal; it’s

purely so that everybody can HEAR you. And , umm, if you want to ask a question

with your statement, then please ASK it in a very direct way. And, you are free to

respond in, in ummm…in any way that you see fit to share with us, any of your

thoughts about these things, too. The only other restriction is that we feel like we do

have to put a time limit on this, and so we agreed that four hours will probably be…

(CONGREGATIONAL LAUGHTER)

Well, that will just get us past the ten o’clock news, and so you don’t have to

worry about being…you know, Hmmm? Yeah, just for once. No, we have

agreed that the time limit for this will be an hour and a half. Uhh, so, if, you know,

if we are still going strongly, I will bring us to a close at that point. So, with

that…I open the floor, we want to kind of change the process here…in that

normally we would ask YOU to make a statement, and…and, instead, we want you

to feel free just to listen. SO, the floor’s open! (Other people can’t hear you in the,

uh, yeah!)

PERSON #1:

First of all, Bishop, I had the very great privilege of actually kissing you in, uh,

Taos, when you came up for the St. James Dedication when they had the dedication

of their new, the groundbreaking,

BISHOP:

Right.

PERSON #1:

and a very pleasant woman came up who knew you and kissed you on the left cheek.

And I said, “Well, you’ll give us an equal opportunity, won’t you?” And, so you let

me kiss you on your RIGHT cheek. So, that gave me a very, very good impression

of you at that time. However, the reason that I’m here, as so many of us are, the

conundrum that’s facing this Church right now, and a lot of it has to do with gay

issues. So, my comment, and I jotted it down a little bit, so it would be succinct

here. Many years ago, there was a film, GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER,

and I think probably most of the people in this group here have seen it. In the film,

Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy have just seen who came to dinner, Sidney

Poitier. Katherine Hepburn, in her usual fashion, was very flustered and very

liberal in trying to know what to do. And, Spencer Tracy in the film said: “If these

young people had half the love that WE had when WE met and courted, then I give

them my blessing!” The point that I’M making is a lot of gay couples have a

tremendous amount of love in their union. I think the fallacy nowadays is to

misinterpret same-gender attraction as focusing too much on genital similarities and

not the kind of love that exists. I think if people could recognize that many of the

relationships that exist with same-gendered partners have as much love as you and

Debbie, your wife, do. Keeping that in mind, I think it’s a very sacred union. The

fact is, a few years ago, they used a euphemism, “to make love.” The body is sacred,

as far as I’m concerned, and the best and most wonderful way of expressing one’s

love, is through MAKING love, manifesting and sharing of the body. What I find so

difficult is to have people say that that is not acceptable. And, it’s very, very

disconcerting; not only disconcerting and insulting to the sacredness of my body,

but also everybody else. And I think really that’s all I wanted to say, is

unions have to be focused on the love that can exist within them, was that really to

focus on the LOVE that exists, and the love that can exist with the adopted children,

the children that are being presented to the world today. I don’t expect a response

to this, it’s just a statement that I think people can focus on the relationships, and

not necessarily the sexual aspects.

MODERATOR:

Thank you.

PERSON #2:

Good evening.

Bishop Steenson, clergy, parishioners and guests: My

name is _____. I’m 63 years old, and I came out of the closet, which to me means

recognizing who I truly was as a person, and am. That’s when I was 30 years old,

and I call myself a late bloomer. I was baptized and raised Lutheran. My

grandfather and uncles were Lutheran pastors. When I met _____, I was 45.

There she is. She was baptized and raised as a strict Roman Catholic, and her

paternal grandfather was a Wesleyan minister. We have been together for nearly

19 years, and in 1990 we had a Holy Union ceremony in New York City. We joined

St. Michael’s Episcopal Church to be in a place of educated spiritual understanding,

tolerance and inclusion. One of the most important things that I’ve learned from

marching in many gay parades across the country; that’s NO ONE, no individual,

no institution, no government, no church, nor bishop nor pope,

NO ONE…through neglect, name-calling, false judging, ignorance, hate or fear,

NO ONE can take God away from me, or anyone, because we were born gay,

lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. The sad fact is that…the sad fact is that many

folks are vulnerable enough to believe leaders who say that they can and will do

just that. Keep God for the very few and not for everyone. I think I know how

Jesus felt when He dragged the Cross in the street. Beaten and abandoned, people

hurled insults, spat and threw stones, because He upset the status quo. People are

doing the same thing to the gay community. I have worked as an advocate for social

and civil rights with LUTHERANS CONCERNED and EPISCOPAL INTEGRITY.

I created a group named LAVENDER HEIGHTS in upper Manhattan, New York.

I served on the PFLAG (PARENTS AND FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS)

Board in Albuquerque for 5 years, always working against the negative attitudes of

fear of those who are different. Shunned, kicked out, rejected, denied the

Sacraments, that’s what ____ would say, because of false teachings of the Church.

For over 15 years here at St. Michael’s, _____ and I have found a church home. It

is a place where we fully participate in worship. And, as servants on the vestry, as a

altar server, chalice bearers, lectors, officers and ushers, we are ALL welcome at

this table. We are not castaways; we are faithful, active members of God’s loving

family. My job as a librarian on the second floor of the Albuquerque Downtown

Main Library involves working with the homeless, mentally challenged, and the

disenfranchised of everyday life. I look into their eyes, call them by name, and

I know I am looking into the face of Christ. I would ask that you would do the same

for me, my partner ___, the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered members

of St. Michael’s and All Angels, the Rio Grande Diocese, and everywhere. Civil

rights and religious freedom have always been an issue. Jesus invited the Gentiles,

the women, the unwanted widows and orphans, the outcasts to join Him in His quest

for love and peace for everyone. The Episcopal Church has an opportunity to stand

tall in its support and inclusion of ALL people, out of love for all humanity. Thank

you.

MODERATOR:

Thank you very much.

(CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE)

PERSON #3:

Bishop, we were wondering if you had any questions for us? As a, as a couple

together, uh, for 19 years, actually when we were, when we had our ceremony, uh,

19 years ago, the Presbyterian minister couldn’t have the bishop approve it. So we

had our Holy Union ceremony with our family, but it wasn’t really sanctified per se.

BISHOP:

I don’t understand. It was…I couldn’t hear the last thing you said. Say the

last sentence you said.

PERSON #3:

Uhh, we were, had a pastor, a Presbyterian pastor, …

BISHOP:

Right.

PERSON #3:

…perform our Holy Union rites with our family present, but his bishop would not

sign the paper. So, this was 19 years ago.

BISHOP:

Mm-hmm.

PERSON #3:

And, we stand here before you 19 years later, asking, you know, for the same thing,

I guess. And we’re wondering if you had any questions for us personally, or, you

know, in general about relationships that persist beyond…uh, I don’t know what

the right word is, I’m sorry.

BISHOP:

Well, one thing I would like to say is that it’s hard to have a conversation like that

with so many people listening in. I think the Anglican Church, the

Episcopal Church, has always had a magnificent tradition, a pastoral tradition, that

we’re, we’re so in danger of losing, because everywhere you turn, people are

yelling and screaming at each other; we’ve politicized the Church at almost every

level. And, as a pastor, I’d want to sit down and talk with you all privately and

ask you a question like that. I mean, that’s the first thing *I* would do in a

situation like that. So…I’m not sure…I feel extraordinarily uncomfortable

asking you a question in public.

PERSON #3:

I didn’t mean to make you feel…

BISHOP:

No, no, no…I’m just telling you that just as a pastoral question…so I want to listen

a little bit more, I think, before I ask those questions.

PERSON #3:

Thank you very much.

BISHOP:

You’ll have to stand. It’s real hard to hear. I may come and sit right with you.

PERSON #4:

My friend and I…Excuse me, Your Honor, I mean, Bishop.

Bishop Steenson, my name is _____. I’m a parishioner here at St. Michael’s.

I’m a lifelong resident of Albuquerque. I have lived in this community, obviously,

all my life. I practice law here; I have raised, am raising 2 children here. And, I

didn’t actually come tonight with the intention of making a statement, because I

hadn’t had time to prepare a statement. But _____’s courage moved me to scribble

some notes out, and I’d like to, just share a few things with you if I could. The

first thing I want to share is my profound respect for you as a clergyperson, and for

your office in this Diocese. And you earned my respect primarily in the manner

with which you came into this moment in time, embracing without endorsing this

parish, and I don’t mean without endorsing this parish’s views or stands. You know

what I mean.

BISHOP:

I, I love you. I like being here. I love being with you.

PERSON #4:

Or, as my kids used to say, “You’re my new best friend.”

And, this is a digression, but one thing that I am aware of, is that a bishop who does

not KEEP an open heart, and continue to work at having an open mind, and the

effect is to polarize the diocese. So that people of like minds or like sentiments

become concentrated in one or two parishes. And then people of the OTHER end of

the spectrum become concentrated. And then, people who are not particularly

social or political, or committed to one kind of social issue or another, sort of

flounder around. And, one of my hopes when you became bishop was that that

would “die back,” and that that would wind up…that we will wind up a parish with

people who are not as flaming liberal as I am, for example, would feel completely

comfortable in having a dialogue with me. I want to share a few points

with you in addition to that. I can’t help but assume that you are shaped by the

culture in which you grew up, as was I, which is relatively similar. I grew up in

Catholic schools. I grew up believing…being taught and believing, like I believe in

oxygen, that I was created in God’s own image, that God had me in mind when I

was conceived, and that God loved and cherished me with all my dings and flaws,

exactly as I was created. And, I’ve never ever moved from that belief. I am not one

of the people chronicled in the book STRANGER AT THE GATE who anguished

over a church that was telling me, once I came to terms with myself, that I was no

good, that I was sinful, that I could not BE loved by God unless I denied one integral

element of myself; I just never bought it. But I did grow up in the times, and there

isn’t one of us here, gay or straight, or whatever, who did not internalize

homophobia. How could we not? How could we not have internalized racism,

fight as we do? Fight as we do, cognitively in our actions, to dampen that effect, of

the years in which we grew up. When I grew up, the words and the concepts

associated with homosexuality just weren’t on the table. But when I finally made

sense out of MY lack of success with boyfriends, and my, my heart, my heart

attractions. I moved immediately to the conclusion that something was wrong, but

it wasn’t me. Because I was being honest, as honest as I was capable to in my

relationships. Not that there were very many; please don’t misunderstand.

(CONGREGATIONAL LAUGHTER)

And, now there are none, so…I did act, though, on my own internalized

homophobia. It took me until I was in my 30’s to say I’m not just a neutral. I am

more gay than straight., and I’m entitled to a life. But even then, I selected someone

very like myself. Middle-class, professional, well-educated, well-spoken, pleasing-

looking…somebody I could take home to Dad, uh…And, I just wanted …I felt

normal, and I wanted to be normal, I wanted way before this issue was on my

consciousness…to be a parent. I mean, there are some people on the planet who

knew from the time they were a sentient human being, that that was what they

needed to do and were gifted to do. And, I was one such person. So my partner and

I adopted two children from Russia in the early ‘90’s, uhh, both of them had what

WE considered to be a relatively minor birth defect, cleft lip and palate. A birth

defect which, in Russia, would condemn them to a life in institutions for mentally

defectives. And certain death from prostitution at 16 when they were dumped out.

And, what I have now are 2 healthy, happy, sassy teenage girls with a lot of attitude.

And, you know what I think, based on , on, on raising these kids, is when their peers

are sitting in your chair, or any of these chairs, or in a coffee shop in Oklahoma,

would be…they are gonna say, “What was that all about?” You know, I went into

elementary schools armed with articles and statistics, and you know blah-blah-blah.

And, every teacher I encountered…now, granted, Albuquerque is a pocket of “live

and let live” in a state that…although conservative is generally characterized by

that, uh, perspective. I have never encountered a teacher or class where they were

the first kids, where the teachers grappled, where the peers grappled. And they are

now tenth and eighth grade, and they’ve NEVER been hassled. They’ve been

queried. Some kid in my older daughter’s 7th grade class was talking about gays,

and…and she just stood up and said, “Well, my parents are gay, and they’re a lot of

fun!” And, that was the end of that. But, what we are, those of us who have chosen

the parenting route, through whatever means, we are UBERparents, Your Honor,

we…excuse me.

(CONGREGATIONAL LAUGHTER)

BISHOP:

Great.

PERSON #4:

Well, and I didn’t mean to. I mean…I mean, we are soccer coaches, we are Sunday

school teachers, we are neighborhood association presidents, we are present vestry

wardens, we are KILLIN’ ourselves because we didn’t fall into being parents. We

had to go to some considerable effort, no matter which way we became parents, and

risk some serious social opprobium both for ourselves and our children to get there,

and that is why I think that if you were 16 years old today and you wound up in this

chair, however many years that’s forward…you would be saying to yourself, “What

WAS that all about?” _____’s parents are just fine! But, sadly, those of us who

chose to live a family life, whether a couple or parents, we’re subject to the culture

of contingency, which is the toxin, in my view, in our society. And, that means

everything is contingent. My, my promise to you to live in a covenant committed

relationship is contingent. If I’m not happy, I am entitled to go find happiness. If it

isn’t working, it is my job, my responsibility to myself to go find something that

works. And, thus, marriages are contingent. Being a parent is contingent, and our

whole society suffers. I agree with a conservative author, the article of whose I could

not find, who said that conservative Christians, rather than opposing gay marriage,

should be insisting upon it. You, if you are, and I can include you, are that group

indeed, should be insisting that those of us who undertake to share life with one

another, and certainly to rear children with one another, be bound by the same

legal and moral obligations. To stick with our promises, to put aside (and I’m not

talking about alcoholism, abuse and the extreme cases), but they should be insisting

that gays and lesbians take on the legal, financial, personal and spiritual

responsibility of MARRIAGE. Of Standing in front of their community and looking

at each other and saying, “I make you this promise.” And, that’s what my friends

and colleagues here and all over the country are asking, we’re asking that you

consider, at least, the…that point of view. That we have something to bring. And,

really, all we have to bring is normalcy. 2 people, 2 kids. I mean, one, it’s a joke

that’s been around the community for years is: “My G__, if they don’t want us to

have sex, they should encourage us to have kids.” Let us have kids! You know. I

have two more vignettes, and then I will pass it on. Several years ago a man named

_____, who would be now my age cohort, moved here to Albuquerque from

Minnesota. He had been active in the gay community there, and Minneapolis has a

large gay community, along the lines of other big cities, New York, San Francisco

and so forth. He moved here just for personal, economic reasons. And, after he was

here and he joined this parish, he went back to Minneapolis for yet another funeral

of yet another one of his friends who had died from AIDS. And, _____, if you could

see him, if he were standing here next to me, you would not look at a rabble-rouser.

You would look at an overweight, effusive violin player. And he said to Brian, “I

blame the Church in some part for this. If the Church had ever sanctioned and

supported committed, monogamous, long-term relationships,…if that door had been

open to us, a lot of us would have walked through it. THAT door was shut and

locked. So the only thing open to us was rampant promiscuity. They won’t let us

take on the obligations and the privileges of monogamy; here we go.” And, HIS

friends died by the score. And I think my personal feeling, (of course I’ll leave

Brian to speak for himself) is that that was a little epiphany, or epiphanette for

Brian, and at that time, my partner and I knew ALL the gay people in the parish,

because we were it! Uh, yeah. Not anymore! So, I’d like you to keep that

perspective in mind, too…that when the Church and the country as a whole, closes

that door, it does create a culture in which the kind of behavior that we, as

Christians, should ABHOR, is fostered. And my final point is that when my kids

were about 5 and 7, there was our little pathetic Albuquerque gay pride parade, and

by that time they knew _____ and _____, and they knew some other people

from the church, and our approach was always to make it clear…was that this was

not THEIR issue, it was OUR issue. But, that we were a family, and so to that

extent it’s a family issue. So, I asked them if they wanted to go to this parade, and

they’re little kids! Naturally they wanted to go to a parade. And when it

came to marching, my little daughter who was rather shy asked, so I said, “If

everybody’s comfortable, then we do it. If everybody’s not comfortable, then we

don’t do it.” So, we joined up with the St. Michael’s group and, being a gay pride

parade, it had a little bit of a festival aura to it. And, so we did march a little ways

down Central, and my older daughter who was no more than 7 years old said, “You

know, Mom? Marching is how women got to vote.” And she said, “Maybe, ….oh”,

and then she didn’t say anything else. And, that was the end of that. And a little bit

later she said, “Do you think it will help, Mom? Do you think it will make a

difference?” And I’m still waiting to be able to answer that question for her.

And, I came here tonight, even though I’m in the midst of a trial right now, which

you can tell from my lapsing into my professional jargon, because I thought that if I

had the chance to move one person in this mammoth institution, one micro-inch, I

can’t not do it, so that’s why I’ve come and spoken to you tonight. Thank you.

(CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE)

MODERATOR:

Thank you, _____.

BISHOP:

May I?

MODERATOR:

Yes, Your Honor. Go ahead.

BISHOP:

A brief response to one thing you said that, about, uh, if only the Church would

have sanctioned the institution, that it would have prevented, uh, promiscuous

activity. That doesn’t work; I mean the institution of marriage in the traditional

sense has not been successful, obviously, in, in helping our young people to order

their sexuality. I mean, I mean it’s just, it’s, you know, obvious that they knew that

marriage was down the road, but you go to a college campus today, and it’s sort of

an irrelevance for them, you know? They don’t, and I tell you that in my work as a

priest, and now as a bishop, that the most difficult thing for me. I don’t stay awake

at night worrying about gay and lesbian relationships. I worry just about sustaining

heterosexual marriage relationships, especially amongst my clergy. And, I find,

that’s for me…the big heartbreak. I don’t, I don’t think it’s a matter of having,

umm, a right or an institution, it’s a matter of people ordering who they are, and,

you see where I am coming from…?

PERSON #4:

I completely appreciate your perspective, and I think I might have spoken too

simplistically, I didn’t mean to suggest that _____ or HIS friends would have all

married, stayed, you know, monogamous, and so forth, and I don’t think when he

said that to Father Brian…Father Brian, am I remembering that comment basically

the right way? But I think what he said was that the absence of that option, so that

those of us here, who in SPITE of everything, made a covenant between each other.

If that option had been available MORE, faith-based, conservative values, and I know _____

himself and _____, like many of his friends, would have gone through that door.

And your comment about worrying about shoring up the institution of marriage, to

me dovetails with my comment that married people need to, we ALL need to take on

those obligations and feel the weight of the decision when we say “I’m out of here!”

You know, married people HAVE to, not only legally, but in the terms of their

community, and, and my gay and lesbian colleagues here, have become all too

accustomed to, especially when we were younger, in our 20’s, to the

serial monogamy, and I’m with this person for a while, and I’m with that

person for a while, and I think that if the institution of marriage were open and

required of those of us who undertook to embrace each other for life, it would

mitigate against the very problem. That’s just an opinion that I shared. I have a

cartoon on my refrigerator where these very urbane women are looking at each

other, and one of them says to the other, “Gays and lesbians getting married isn’t a

threat to the sanctity of my marriage; it’s all the straight women who sleep with my

HUSBAND!”

(CONGREGATIONAL LAUGHTER)

MODERATOR:

Thank you, _____. Now, let me just say because all these points are very important,

and I, I would like us to have a very open kind of, of process to allow EVERYONE

an opportunity to express themselves, and so, so I have avoided trying to time their

presentations, you know. That’s okay, you made some very wonderful points. Now,

let me just ask you, because we ARE gonna run out of time, I would just like to ask

you to please kind of be considerate of the time that you take, so that plenty of

people can have a chance.

PERSON #5:

I have, I have another area that I would like to make a statement on, and that’s

about the Episcopal Church, and I’m a cradle Episcopalian, and I‘ve been married

for 56 years, and I’m a mother and a grandmother, and I owe no allegiance to the

Archbishop of Canterbury or the primates of other countries. If they don’t condone

the Episcopal Church in this country and our openness to all of God’s children and

want to remove us from the Anglican Communion, that’s their problem. It won’t

upset me at all, because I accept the authority of the Presiding Bishop and the

General Convention. Thank you.

(massive) CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE.

BISHOP:

Well, I would like to, uh, congratulate you for being in the majority position. Not

just tonight, but also obviously in the House of Bishops as well, you would have

been, you would have joined the majority on that, on that view. And, uh, that’s, for

me, intensely painful. Because, I…I tell you, I didn’t, I grew up in a different

tradition, I grew up as a…in the Evangelical Free Church, which was a Lutheran, a

free Lutheran kind of a tradition. And, when I was in college, I chose the Episcopal

Church intentionally because I thought, I thought…I chose it because of this

worldwide structure based on communion with the Archbishop of Canterbury, I

thought that that’s the visible thing that made us a truly catholic church. And, for

me, the intense pain…maybe, maybe my pain is as intense as your pain in other

areas. My intense pain is that, ummm, I realize I am now serving the church that’s

going in a very, very different direction than the church I thought I was joining

when I was ordained. And, uh, you know, I don’t know what else to say, but you

know, I bless you all, and I pray that God would bless that, wherever the Episcopal

Church is going in this, that God will bless it and use it in some way. But, it…it’s

NOT my church anymore! So, I just, you know, I’m just speaking as honestly and

openly as I can. I’m not the kind that, you never have to look the other way, and

worry if I’m gonna, you know, slip the Diocese of the Rio Grande out of the

Episcopal Church. I’m not gonna DO that. I don’t believe that’s my job, or my

right. This Diocese was created by the Act of the General Convention, and it

BELONGS to the Episcopal Church. But, I do say that for me, and I’m sure for

many in this Diocese, what is happening is…is a terrible loss for us, and we feel cut

off from a catholic life that we valued and enjoyed. So, you gave a great speech. I

want to thank you for that. And, umm, it…I had the same feeling when you guys all

cheered that I did in the House of Bishops in March, when Katherine Grieb from

Virginia made a similar speech, and got a rousing ovation from the House of

Bishops. And, I just…but, just on the affective level on which we all live, where you

all rejoice in that, to me it’s a dagger in the heart. So, that’s my…I’m gonna share

that…that point.

MODERATOR:

Thank you for being honest.

PERSON #6:

Yes, Bishop. My name is _____.

MODERATOR

Walk to the microphone, _____.

PERSON #6:

And, I’m fairly new to the Episcopal Church, raised Roman Catholic, left the

Catholic Church because of a lot of their beliefs.

BISHOP:

Because of?

PERSON #6:

Of THEIR beliefs. My question to you is where do you see the people going

at this point when the Church is supposed to be the Guide , the openness, the

understanding that we’re all human? And every time, my…at least with my

feelings, every church that I have been to in the past, and I have gone to all of

them…I still feel that rejection that I am not part of ANYthing! And, my question

to you is: How can the Church expect all of us to pick up the Cross, and carry the

Cross, and move forward, when we are constantly being condemned, crucified and

told we don’t belong? So, how do you feel, where do you see all of us fitting in, to

MAKE a difference?

BISHOP:

Thank you.

I just, I brought only ONE text with me tonight, and it’s one of the most unpopular

texts in this church: Lambeth Resolution 110. This was passed in 1998. This is the

resolution that seems to have started us down this road that, that we are on right

now. And, one of the, a lot of people think that the Lambeth Resolution is about

condemning gay and lesbian people. But tonight, for instance, is the fulfillment of

one of the elements in this resolution, that asks us to recognize in the life of the

Church, the presence of “people who experience themselves as having a homosexual

orientation. Many of these are members of the Church and seeking the pastoral

care, moral direction of the Church, and God’s transforming power for the living

of their lives, and the ordering of their relationships. We commit ourselves to listen

to the experience of homosexual persons, and we wish to assure them that they are

loved by God, and that all baptized, believing and faithful persons, regardless of

sexual orientation, are full members of the Body of Christ.” So, though there is

a lot of screaming and yelling out there “on the right” about this, I mean, that is the

position that we, that, you know, the whole Anglican Communion is committed to.

Now, I think, I think that the clergy, and Father Brian and I have had many talks

about this, and I am immensely grateful to him for his support and his kindness in

this. It, it appears that we ARE heading toward a situation where it’s going to be

difficult for us to live together. Because what many…many are asking in the

Episcopal Church is…is going to be a bridge too far in terms of people who desire to

live within an orthodox catholic or evangelical framework. And, somehow, I think

we are going to have to find a way to bless each other and recognize that, umm,

we’re living in a time when there are mighty social and cultural movements that,

that are coming right into the life of the Church. It’s a tragedy, because this is not

the Anglicanism that we loved and knew. We…the whole pastoral dimension of

Anglicanism is that it’s a big tent, and it is a genuinely inclusive place, for people of

all sorts and conditions. But, the problem is that people are, are wanting to,

well…I’m gonna stop there, because I think it won’t come out right.

I’m not going to go any further with it. I just wanna say that…that I sense, in my

prayers I sense that we’re at a point where we have to accept that we are going to

have to bless each other and move in different directions. I don’t mean that as a

threat, I don’t mean that as any kind of an announcement, that…but you know,

we’re…unfortunately, there is a kind of a re-alignment going on in American

Christianity, and I think it’s just a huge movement, and the Episcopal Church

has been actually remarkably slow in being affected by it, because we are…

PERSON #7:

Forgive me, Bishop.

BISHOP:

Yeah, please! Go ahead.

PERSON #7:

But our time is limited, and from the dawn of time…even before the Bible was

written, we have been listening to people like you.

BISHOP:

I’m sorry; I can’t hear you. It’s hard to hear.

PERSON #7:

From the dawn of time, even before the Bible was written, we have been listening to

people like you. It’s important for YOU folks to listen to US. We have very limited

time, apparently, tonight. You should be asking US questions, instead of us asking

YOU questions. It’s pretty important for YOU to listen to US. We pretty much, I

think, know where you all are coming from…we’ve got your writings, and so forth,

so I’d really like to this group to get more focus on us presenting things that WE

need to talk about in and about OUR lives to YOU. And obviously, you have a very

closed mind with all this, but…I think that there’s a chance…

BISHOP:

How come you’re not sitting here, and I’m down there?

Well, I’m sitting right here.

PERSON #7:

Well, like _____ said, that maybe we can move something, an itty-bitty

millimeter, perhaps. Perhaps this is just an exercise in pure futility. But, honestly,

we are not here to listen to you.

(CONGREGATIONAL MURMUR)

PERSON #7:

Well, we have…we have…OKAY! You’ve got until 8:30. We have listened to these

folks forever. THEY need to listen to US. This is our chance!

MODERATOR:

Get to the microphone, _____.

PERSON #8:

I’d like to speak for…what I want to hear from the Bishop, and if others don’t,

that’s fine, is…a little more refinement on the catholic orthodox tradition that you

feel you must cling to. Is what you’re really saying that you cannot accept that

homosexuality is not wrong?

BISHOP:

I believe…I believe…

MODERATOR:

It’s fine, _____.

BISHOP:

No, no, no! I understand, and I take the rejoinder that I shouldn’t talk so much. I

believe that God created sexuality principally to procreate the human race. And, in

that sense, in that sense, umm…I think ALL of us have fallen short of the purposes

of God. I think that the criticism might even mainly be directly toward

heterosexual couples, that abuse the gift of sexuality, and turn it to their own end,

and to their own pleasure, and not for the purpose that God created it. That’s…I

DO believe in love. Love is a good thing. Sex is principally for bringing the next

generation into the world.

MODERATOR:

Thank you. Just a moment. Could we go over here?

BISHOP:

Oh, okay.

I thought she’d been waiting for a while. Go ahead.

PERSON #9:

My name is _____, and as a mother of 6, grandmother of 13, and great-

grandmother of 3…, I would like to say I want our church to focus on loving each

other, NOT whether…not your sexual orientation, NOT who has been shamed

more. I am divorced! I went through things, too. I mean, everyone goes through

certain periods. Our church is for us to join and worship our LORD, to love one

another, to respect, and to respect our differences. Thank you.

BISHOP:

Thank you.

PERSON #10:

My name is _____, I grew up as a Baptist, so I know the Protestant tendency

to schism that pains you in your roots. When I was 8 years old, I was in a church

that split, and I have abhorred schism ever since! I am too sacramental not to be a

Catholic, I am too Trinitarian not to be Orthodox, and I believe in the Good

News of God in Christ, so I think I am evangelical, and by my pronunciation,

you KNOW I come from those roots. But, I grew up feeling wrong, condemned and,

at best, somehow developmentally retarded, until I came to accept who I am as

God’s gift. David Linz has an icon of Steven Biko that, holding a scroll that says

“Begin to think of yourself as a human being,” and I think that what is happening in

the Anglican Communion and in the Church at large is that gays and lesbians have

begun, at long last, to think of themselves as human beings. And, by that I mean not

defective, not abnormal, not substandard, not deviant, but full human beings. And

when we say that gays and lesbians are FULL MEMBERS in the Church, then we

say, then we have the…not the right in terms of civil rights, but the theological

spiritual right to be who we are and to participate fully. That is a problem for many

people. I feel that whenever any kind of Communion is broken, it is tragic. But, I

have already, as you know, been excommunicated by several provinces of the

Anglican Commuion, DE FACTO. And, uh, so I’m ALREADY excommunicate. If I

were to go to several provinces in Africa, I would not be given Communion. If Peter

Ackinola were to come to the grail at St. Katherine’s Church in Oakland, I would

GIVE him Communion, with great personal difficulty, but I’m not going to turn

around and excommunicate those who wish to excommunicate ME. However, I do

claim my heritage. And, uh, since you are a patristic scholar, you may remember

which one of the early Church fathers said that before every human being, goes

forth ten thousand angels, proclaiming, “Make way for the image of God!” I forget

which one.

BISHOP:

One of the Greek fathers said it!

PERSON #10:

Undoubtedly! And, if we are all in the image of God, that means that every one of

us has ten thousand angels making that proclamation, and I don’t see any reason to

renounce our being in Christ.

(CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE)

BISHOP:

Thank you.

PERSON #11:

Does this thing work? I’ll start with a confession. I’ll confess that I am a lifelong

Episcopalian. Now I feel better. I’ve enjoyed about 34 years of married life, and I

have an oldest brother who’s been married since the 1960’s, and I have a middle

brother who’s gay. I’ll tell you about an incident. The year is 1955, I’m 10 years of

age, we are in a townhouse in Los Angeles, my father’s an attorney, and he has a

case down there. My brother comes running into the room and told me this:

“Did you know the new swimming pool has a new water observation window?”

I said, “No!”

“Did you know there’s a young lady diving from the top of the diving board, and

every time she dives in, the top of her bikini comes off, every time?”

I said, “Where is this place?”

And, I went running down there, and she never did oblige me by showing up. My

brother was totally disinterested in what he saw. Bishop, I don’t share your

sentiments with regard to sexuality in a marriage. To me, it is a very special

form of communication. And it CAN be sexual. Sometimes it is. That’s a very

Western opinion. It is a very special form of communication. I believe what I tell

you to be true, so how can I look at my brother and tell him that he cannot enjoy

what I can enjoy because he is different than I am? I can’t do that! This isn’t just

about gay people or lesbian people. This is about those of us who have loved ones

who are gay or lesbian, and we want what’s good for them. Thank you.

(CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE)

PERSON #12:

My name is _____, and I’m a lifelong Episcopalian, and I hate to tell you this, but I

don’t think you’re doing your job right. And, when I’m in my job, I get told when

I’m not doing it right. I get told by the people I serve, and by my boss. I don’t

always agree with the policies and procedures that I have to enforce every single

day, but it’s my JOB. And, you admit that you didn’t, you’re NOT a lifelong

Episcopalian, you have different views and opinions. So I think you’re in the

wrong JOB! I think, my family…I’m upset that the Church is gonna split, and I

can’t go to Church with my family. I think it’s your job to pull this Diocese

TOGETHER, to make the people…there are a lot of people that are lifelong

Episcopalians that want to worship with our FAMILIES, and I think it’s your job

to listen to us and what we’re feeling, and bring that to the other conservative

people out there that have never MET a lesbian or gay person. Thank you.

(CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE)

PERSON #13:

Yes. I’m _____. I think it’s even possible that you might remember me.

BISHOP:

I do!

PERSON #13:

Anyway, I am very familiar with the idea that some people have that sex is only for

reproduction. In fact, that was a very strong idea in the Church in the fourth

century. At one time in many areas sex was considered to be improper, even

between people who were married, unless it was for the PURPOSE of reproduction.

If it was not for the purpose of reproduction, but they did nothing to prevent

reproduction, it was a very considered to be a sin, but one that could be forgiven.

On the other hand, if they did anything to PREVENT reproduction, it was very

serious and could NOT be forgiven. Now, I don’t think that anyone can really

believe that today, because here are the consequences. That would mean that before

people got married, they would need to have a medical examination to determine

whether they were CAPABLE of reproduction. If they’re not, they wouldn’t be

permitted to get married! Also, they would be required to have as many children as

possible! Also, if they married for a couple of years, and didn’t have any children,

then they would be in danger of being excommunicated! We’re not gonna treat

people that way. It would also mean, let’s suppose that a widow, who’s 50, and a

widower, who’s 50, they decided to get married, that would not be permitted,

because they couldn’t have children. There is no way that doctrine can be enforced

in any consistent fashion nowadays. Perhaps in the fourth century, when people

had a life expectancy that was much lower, it could be, but even then I doubt it

could be consistently enforced. I just don’t think it’s gonna fly.

(CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE)

BISHOP:

Well, of course the question is being open to the gift of life. That’s what I meant to

say. And, remember where we’re going, by God’s grace, to Heaven, where there

won’t BE marriage and sexuality. This is something just for this part of the

journey…of the soul.

PERSON #14:

I wasn’t raised Episcopalian, I was raised Roman Catholic, and I had a lot of

troubles with not being able to “dial direct” to God. But, I’m very grateful that

there is a place for my daughter to come, and as a family we can worship at this

church, and I’m very, very grateful to Father Brian for that. I grew up, when I

grew up, I had…there are 5 daughters…the 5 kids, and when my mom was

pregnant with my…with my sister _____, the doctor said, “This is your boy,” “This

is your boy,” and she was a girl! And then, when I was, when my mom was

pregnant with ME, the doctor said, “This is your BOY! For sure, _____, I can tell!

It’s different. The heartbeat is different.” And again, I was a girl. Somehow, that

doctor KNEW we were different. Before we were even born, that doctor KNEW we

were different than my other sisters who are straight.. And, so I know God didn’t

make a mistake there, because the doctor even knew…these two were different! I

know my mom was very disappointed…but I also, having been raised Catholic, and

I loved to bug my mom so much, I was so disrespectful to her just because of that.

But, I remember the Song of Solomon, and the Song of Solomon is about love, it is

about sex, it is about marriage, and it’s very much what the other man was talking

about. It’s a special kind of communication, and I think it’s a kind of

communication that GOD asks US to have with HIM1 And, I remember one time,

and my Mom was totally appalled at me! I said, “Mom, you’re right! You’re right!

I said, “Mom, this is sex! Communion is SEX! This is the Bride and the

Bridegroom; we’re getting together!” And, she was totally appalled! But it’s

because of her bringing me up in terms of cherishing yourself and your sacredness

that I believe that. But it’s because of the sacredness of that, that sex is

NOT just for reproduction, sex is really a way to communicate; and I think it’s

GOD’s way of showing us how to communicate with GOD, because it’s very

different and so much deeper than any other communication, than speaking.

And so, I just feel like, I just wanted to say that I , for myself, am so grateful that

there is a place for my daughter, and she’s not the best about coming, but there is a

place for her here at this church. And, I know that there are other people who

and I mean, I didn’t go to church for years, and I had gone through the whole

charismatic renewal in the Catholic Church, and then I find myself at prayer

meetings praying for the wrong things? And, people would look at me like,

“Does she have to pray for THAT?” And, so I stopped going! And then I came

HERE, mainly because my partner was pregnant with my daughter, and I wanted

her to believe, I wanted her to know that, I wanted her to know GOD in a sexual

kind of way, in that sexual way of knowing God. In that special way of KNOWING

God, which is only possible for humans in a sexual way. I want her to hear and

experience the Word of God in a REAL WAY, and she’s able to here. That’s all I

have to say.

BISHOP:

Thank you.

PERSON #15:

Bishop, my name is _____, and I grew up in a small United Methodist

Church in Indiana, we’d go to an hour of church, an hour of Sunday School, an

hour of service, an hour of youth group, an hour of evening church, and then a

weekday midservice, so it’s been a part of my blood. I’m a graduate of Wheaton

College in Illinois.

BISHOP:

Wheaton?

PERSON #15:

Yeah, Wheaton, Illinois. Billy Graham’s school. What has concerned me over a

number of years as this conversation continues is knowing that in the past,

separations have happened over the dual essence of Christ, whether the Holy Spirit

came FROM the Father and the Son. And, we’re left today with this kind of office

water cooler talk about who slept with whom last night. And, I would appreciate

NOT continuing to be the scapegoat of the conversation, and have it raised to the

level, I think, of your office, and of the clergy, and of the Church to talk about a real

issue of how we understand the Bible, because I interpret it very differently, I

assume, than YOU do, and to just pinpoint sex as THE ISSUE really cheapens the

conversation.

Thank you.

(CONGREGATIONAL APPLAUSE)

BISHOP:

I’ll clap for that.

PERSON #16:

Good evening, Bishop. My name is _____. I’m a member of the Cathedral. I’ve

been attending the Episcopal Church since before I was born.

(CONGREGATIONAL LAUGHTER)

My first recollection of putting together homosexuality and the Church and faith:

hearing Anita Bryant and her campaign in the ‘70’s in Florida. And I remember

seeing the signs, the first one that still strikes me, is “Adam and Eve, not Adam and

Steve.” And I got to wondering, from hearing all these conversations, fairly one-

sided, about what the Bible says about gay people, and about what it says about

homosexuality, and looking back on the 13 or 14 years of my church attendance,

and listening as diligently as I could to the lectionary read every single Sunday. I

don’t recall ever hearing ANYTHING from the lectern regarding gay people

or homosexuality or ANY such thing. So, I figured I’d go take a look for

myself. Looked it up in my concordance, didn’t see anything about gay, didn’t see

anything about homosexuality. So I went back to my Bible, and so I figured it’s in

there SOMEPLACE. So I started to read, starting from the beginning, and about

18 months later, wound up with “Amen” at the end. And I found all the

nasty passages, “Thou shalt not lie with a man as with a woman, it is an

abomination.” I put that together with Jesus’ admonition, “If you look at a woman

lustfully, you’ve already committed adultery with her in your heart.” And assumed

that my thoughts and understanding as an early adolescent, I was basically going to

Hell. The only thing I could do at that point was to PRAY. And, for the next ten

years, pretty much every night, I prayed: “Please, God. Take this sin away from

me. I DON’T want to be gay. It’s not anything *I’ve* chosen. Take it away.”

Eventually, though I stopped, at some point, the energy failed, and I stopped

praying the prayer. It wasn’t being answered…what’s the point? I continued my

prayers for other people. I continued my conversation with myself, walking to and

fro, talking to myself and of course, Somebody Else was obviously listening in. I

came to some conclusions through what I think was fairly rational conversation,

even with myself. I didn’t choose to be gay. It’s not something that I sat down and

said, “OK. I want this. I’m gonna do this.” On the contrary! I don’t know HOW

I’m gay; I don’t know if it’s a hormonal thing in utero or genetic or some trauma in

my childhood; it doesn’t really make any difference. As a…what I believe is that I

am a God-fearing person. I believe there are two influences on my life: (1) those

decisions that I make; I choose to walk this way, or I choose to walk this

way. And (2) those things that God presents to me. Sometimes it’s the choice of

those two paths; sometimes it’s no choice at all. I have a responsibility to ultimately,

it’s given those choices that God presents, it’s my choice then, which path I take. If

I didn’t choose to be gay, I don’t have any control over what somebody might have

done to me, I was molested or something. Then…if I didn’t have a choice

in a hormonal imbalance or genetic makeup. If it wasn’t ME, it HAD to be God

that made me gay. I took that conclusion, coupled it with what I already knew,

what I’d been taught from the very beginning. God created everything, and it was

very good. God created me, God created everything good. Therefore, *I* must be

good. Now, coming around in another angle, my parents were remarkably open

talking about sex and love for people of their generation, frankly. I was taught very

clearly and blatantly sex is good; sex is one of THE most exquisite, beautiful, perfect

expressions of love that there is. Love. It’s also useful for reproduction, but it’s

love. It’s not THE most perfect form we’re taught; giving one’s life for one’s

brother is a higher form of love. But it’s definitely up there in the top 3, in my

opinion. That’s what this is about…is LOVE. How we express it is…covers a wide

variety of things, but that what this is about. I came to this conclusion in a

roundabout way: I’m gay; God made me gay; God made me good; I am good; sex is

good. This is how I finally came to an understanding; a peace with God, if you will.

This is who I am; this is what God made me, and it’s my responsibility to do the

RIGHT THING with what He gave me. Some number of years later, after I “came

out” and started sharing my new life, my transformed life with people, I had that

spiritual 2 x 4 that we all really kind of pray for. God had answered my prayer

after all! My prayer: “Take this sin away from me?” He demonstrated to me

through this logic, guided by Him, that being gay, and by extension, acting gay in a

RESPONSBILE manner, is NOT a sin. Yes, I am a sinner…I can’t even begin to

count HOW I sin, just like the rest of us here. But, THIS aspect of me is NOT a sin.

Furthermore, and I’ll wrap it up with this, because…it’s more than just a, more

than just seeking my own pleasure, seeking my own needs, I feel a DIRECT call

from God to love my husband, to enter into a relationship with him, to care for him,

to nurture him, to tuck him into bed at night when he’s too weak and ill to do it for

himself. To be his ADVOCATE when there is no one else around to do it FOR him.

God is saying, “This is your JOB to do this!” Just as much as it is your job and

Debbie’s job to do it for each other. It’s MORE than just sex. It’s all about love.

And, we have a right in GOD’s justice to have that blessed by our community and

by our church as much as anyone else does.

MODERATOR:

Thank you, _____.

BISHOP:

_____, I just wanted to respond really briefly to that, what you just shared.

Thank you very much for it. It is clearly the relationships that we talked about, are

…are very complex things. They’re very, there is so much in people’s relationships

with each other that is holy and worth celebrating, and I hope I am as sensitive and

perceptive about that, and recognize the truly heroic and grace-filled elements of

those relationships …the only thing about the syllogism that you worked out, is that,

is that, ummm, that’s all fine and good. I’ve never tried to say how a person is,

anything to question about whether it was a choice or not. But, we believe in the

Church that the sacramental things that we celebrate are the things that Jesus

Christ sanctioned. And, when He talked about the sacramental union in marriage,

it was between a man and a woman, and that’s all the given-ness of the tradition

that we have to deal with. And, just because we try to live by it, or I try to live by it

in my own way, as a minister of the Church, I don’t intend for that to be a judgment

against gays and lesbian people. I don’t intend that to be a judgment against the

relationships.

MODERATOR:

Thank you.

PERSON #17:

Good evening, Bishop. The gentleman who spoke before me, I think that was a

miracle in my case, said a lot of what *I* meant to say FOR me, so that makes it

easier for me to be real brief with you. How it ties into my case, I’ll get into that

in a minute. My name is _____, by the way. I grew up as a confirmed Lutheran,

and others phrased it more delicately before me, but I have “bounced around”

pretty much all of the standard Christian denominations in my walk, and that goes

beyond the issue of just “coming out of the closet,” which I did in Austin, by the

way. This occurred shortly after what I will claim to be a bona fide experience of

the Holy Spirit for me, and after having experienced several words of knowledge

and/or wisdom. I know you know, because you are on the theology committee, I’m

sure you know that it is sometimes pretty tough to “split the hairs.” When I was

praying that prayer, I kept having PETER’S dream, “Kill and eat,” “kill and

eat.” And I kept praying the SAME THING HE [previous speaker] did, and I kept

gettin’ the SAME DREAM, and it didn’t stop! I know it was in the Scripture, but I

didn’t remember it initially, until I finally accepted myself as the true child of God

that I am, the fact of the child of God that I am in our Lord Jesus Christ, and the

member of the Body of Christ that I am in Christ’s Church, just as you are. That’s

who I am; that’s who I believe probably everybody in this ROOM, including

yourself, right now, is. I did want to make a brief comment about what you said

about the procreation issue also, because I’m sure you’re aware of the fact from

your OLD Testament studies, and if you have any Jewish friends, as I do…there

was a time that the married couples in that society, and it was almost superstitious,

believed that if they were childless, somehow God’s blessing was missing or had

eluded them!

HERE ENDS THE TRANSCRIPT, FOR HERE ENDS THE AUDIO

(After more significant meetings take place in March, we'll have a two-part series in April to bring us all up to date. Wednesday, April 18th, there will be a presentation of information about developments in the Anglican Communion and Wednesday, April 25th, Bishop Steenson will be with us for a potluck dinner to hear our concerns about the diocese and the Episcopal Church.)

At the recent meeting of the primates of the 38 member provinces of the Anglican Communion (including our primate, Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori), they expressed their disagreement with the Episcopal Church’s consecration of a gay bishop and same-gender unions and proposed the following:

1. A draft proposal for an Anglican Covenant
The draft will be discussed and refined over the next two years, and presumably made ready for the Episcopal Church to consider in final form at the General Convention in the summer of 2009. The draft says that when there is a serious dispute among churches that have signed on to the covenant, the primates will provide “guidance and direction.” If their “guidance” is refused, they may judge that “such churches will have relinquished the force and meaning of the covenant’s purpose” [to hold Anglican provinces together], “and a process of restoration and renewal will be required to re-establish their covenant relationship with other member churches.” Obviously, a “no” vote on this covenant by our General Convention could be the watershed when we and many other Anglicans part company.

2. An (Anglican) Pastoral Council within the Episcopal Church
The council’s purpose would be to negotiate structures for pastoral care for parishes and dioceses that are disaffected from the Episcopal Church and to serve as a liaison with other Anglican primates. It would consist of two members appointed by the primates, two by our Presiding Bishop, and the chair, appointed by the Archbishop of Canterbury. This council, together with the Primatial Vicar (below) is supported by our Presiding Bishop as an interim way to deal with disaffected groups, avoid lawsuits, and stop uncanonical interventions of foreign primates into Episcopal dioceses, until a final version of the Anglican Covenant is considered and voted upon.

3. A Primatial Vicar
They recommend that disaffected bishops in the U.S. nominate a Primatial Vicar for the Presiding Bishop’s “consent,” and who shall be responsible to the Pastoral Council. This Vicar would provide pastoral leadership for dioceses that refuse to accept Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori’s leadership until an Anglican Covenant can be considered.

4. A request that our House of Bishops make an unequivocal commitment to refrain from authorizing same-sex unions and consent for any further gay bishops
The primates ask that an answer to this request be given by Sept. 30, 2007. The House of Bishops’ next meeting is from March 16-22. If they choose not to adopt this recommendation from the primates, they say that then “the relationship between the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Communion as a whole remains damaged at best, and this has consequences for the full participation of the Church in the life of the Communion.” One problem with this request is that while our bishops may decide among themselves to affect such a moratorium, it has no canonical force, since only General Convention – not the House of Bishops – can legislate canon law. Without canonical force, a moratorium on blessings will be ignored by some of our bishops, and this situation will no doubt be unacceptable to the primates.

5. A request that the Episcopal Church and congregations in property disputes suspend all legal actions and for affected parties to not alienate property from the Episcopal Church without its consent

A final note: Bishops do not decide important matters for our church, and neither do foreign primates; only General Convention has that authority. The language of the primates’ communiqué indicates to me that the primates seek to place power in their own hands and in the hands of our bishops. I pray that our bishops will not presume this authority and General Convention 2009 will not give it away. I agree with Bishop Mark Sisk of New York who recently said “Being part of the Anglican Communion is very important to me. But if the price of that is I have to turn my back on the gay and lesbian people who are part of this church and part of me, I won’t do that.” I assume, prayerfully and hopefully, that this will remain the prevailing position of our church in the years to come.

The the draft Anglican Covenant is posted on the Anglican Communion website: http://www.aco.org/commission/d_covenant/docs/covenant.pdf
The communiqué from the primates’ meeting is also posted:
www.aco.org/primates/downloads/communique2007_english.pdf

From the Preface:
The narrative that follows is a compilation of interviews, meeting minutes, official documents and historical data. Of all these resources, the memories of the parishioners are, by far, the greatest treasures. Documents provide accurate data, of course, but the vignettes that are stirred in discussing the past bring forth a warm and loving picture of St. Michael’s. In many ways the parish, although a larger community 50 years later, has retained much of the special character described in the early days.

To read the rest, download the PDF file.

Available June 2002 from St. Michael's Parish Office or though the publisher at www.cowley.org.

OVERVIEW

Part 1: Practice

• Ch. 1 Getting Started
• Ch. 2 Praying with the Will, the Mind, and the Heart
• Ch. 3 Abiding in Christ

Introduction:

For some, the term contemplative prayer may be intimidating. Perhaps when we think of contemplation, we envision pious, holy mystics who are lost in rapture. While a few such saints have always existed (and many of them have been contemplative), there are also other ways of being contemplative that are far more ordinary. Silent prayer that has no other purpose than to be present to God is also contemplative.

I assume that because you hold this book in your hands, you are attracted to this way of being with God. I do not assume that you are experienced in it. Nevertheless, if you are, my hope is that you will benefit from what I have to say about my experience with contemplative prayer. I share with you a particular approach which I have learned over years of practice. I suggest that you try it long enough to get to know in your own experience what I am talking about, instead of reading it simply out of curiosity.

And so we begin with instruction and discussion about the doing of silent prayer. Before we talk about what it means or where it leads, it is best to just pray, and see for ourselves what happens. The first chapter in this section presents a practical instruction and orientation to the kind of contemplative prayer with which I work. The second chapter goes into more depth about how we can pray contemplatively with our whole being, and the third suggests ways of praying contemplatively in Christ.

Part 2: Context

• Ch. 4 The Contemplative in the Church
• Ch. 5 Traditional Disciplines
• Ch. 6 Finding Support

Introduction:

A regular practice of contemplative prayer is challenging for anyone who undertakes it. We sometimes get bored with it, find ourselves lacking stimulation and direction, and at times we even lose our way. To move as pilgrims towards an agenda-free, open-hearted encounter with the living God is a potentially overwhelming thing. It is a journey into a sacred mystery, beyond the limitations of our little worldview, beyond even our capacity to comprehend.

This is why we must put our private practice of contemplative prayer within the larger context of the church's life. The contemplative needs the church's saints, sacraments, community, spiritual directors, traditional disciplines, scripture, theology, and other seekers. We need experienced guides, companions, maps, signposts, and food for the journey.

The chapters that follow in this section explore the many ways in which the rich tradition and resources of the church can support a private practice of contemplative prayer. For me, this support has been critical for the long haul, and has removed from my shoulders the burden of continually renewing and maintaining something I cannot, on my own. This context has also proved to be a source of great joy and discovery, the end of which I will never reach in this lifetime.

Part 3: Transformation

• Ch. 7 Going Deeper
• Ch. 8 Learning from Difficulty
• Ch. 9 Becoming Free

Introduction:

For the Christian, the purpose of faith and prayer is the transformation of our lives, so that they resemble the quality of being that Jesus Christ shared with us. He called this quality the kingdom of God, and promised that we could come to know it, in some measure, in our lifetime.

As we give ourselves to God through a practice of regular contemplative prayer, and as we live out this life of prayer within the context and support of the church, transformation by the grace of God takes place. We were created by God with great potential, and fulfillment of this potential is possible in Christ. "Be perfect [whole, complete] as your heavenly Father is perfect," Jesus said (Matthew 5:48). Just before he died, he declared to his disciples "I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete" (John 15:11). Contemplative prayer is one way of moving, by grace, into this fulfillment.

However, the journey of transformation only begins in earnest when we move beyond the initial delight of discovery, into the darkness of our hearts. We must encounter our inner demons and falsity, walk through suffering and the way of the cross, and detach from all that keeps us captive. The chapters that follow address the contemplative movement into this darkness, by which God brings us into the light of resurrection.

EXCERPTS

Praying with the Will, the Mind, and the Heart (From Chapter Two)

Most who seriously pursue a spiritual path eventually learn that the journey they have undertaken must encompass all of their life. Over time, nothing is left out. We must bring into our faith the relationships we live with, our work, the world we inhabit, our beliefs about life, our heart-felt longing for God, our emotions and personal struggles, our physical health, and everything else. When any one of these dimensions of our life suffers, our whole being is affected. Spirituality cannot be cordoned off as one discreet dimension, having only to do with the "soul," as if our lives were like a popular magazine, with a spirituality section distinct from those that have to do with politics, economy, health, and human interest.

One common and useful way of seeing the holistic nature of our life in God is to invoke the familiar balance of body, mind, and spirit. Our physicality, our mental-emotional states and our spirituality are inseparable, completely intertwined. Jesus himself recognized this when reminded us of the first commandment, to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength (Mark 12:30). We must learn to love the Lord in ways that employ all our God-given capacities: emotion, intellect, will, activity, and soul. In the most influential spiritual tradition of the Christian West, monasticism, this holistic approach to life in God includes the practices of prayer, study and work (in another book, I explore these traditional Benedictine disciplines).

But the holistic claim of God on our life not only has to do with these large dimensions of our being and activity. Wholeness must also extend into the way we pray, too. Every historic religion tradition of prayer and meditation has methods of doing this. Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Jews and Christians all have ways of praying that include body (bowing, incense, chanting, sitting, and breathing). All include the mind (study and reflection, watching the mind). All involve the heart (devotion, opening the heart, surrender, and letting-go into God).

In this chapter I would like to go deeper, beyond the rudimentary instructions of the first chapter, into a holistic way of praying contemplatively. I offer this 3-dimensional model in order to not only present the wholeness of prayer, but also to address the differing needs of a diversity of people. At varying times, each of us might be better served by an approach to prayer that emphasizes either the heart, the soul, the mind, or our strength. In any given period of prayer, it is also possible to flow from one of these dimensions to the next.

One way of seeing how we can pray with heart, soul, mind, and strength is through the traditional model of the individual's journey of faith that has been taught throughout Christendom, East and West, especially in the middle ages. This model sees the journey as including purification, illumination, and union with God. Purification can be seen as the approach to God that includes strength, the body, effort, and the will. Illumination involves the mind, and union the heart.

Many of the medieval authors on the subject tended to see this schema as a kind of ladder, suggesting that the rank beginner must first focus solely on purification: repentance, change of behavior, the use of the will and determination in order to turn to a more holy life. For these authors, purification is the process of moral conversion, which starts when one stops sinful behaviors and begins pious ones. The intermediate, having mastered moral purification, then moves on to illumination: being guided by the Spirit into a greater understanding of the self and God. Illumination is the process of study and reflection whereby one develops faith and learns about what the Bible and the Church's theology teaches. The advanced few then climb to the heights of contemplative union, leaving behind all else. Union is seen as the state of being completely under the influence of God's grace, whereby all separation between human and divine is overcome, and one receives the inflow of God's joy, peace, and other fruits of the Spirit.

There is some truth to this ladder-like view. It is hard to grow in our understanding of the faith if we haven't yet put behind us behavior that prevents such understanding. It is hard to find union with God unless we've done some conversion of life and also examined our faith. However, the medieval ladder approach as such is more hierarchical, systematized and linear than the teaching of earlier writers who proposed it in the first place.

More ancient Christian mystics understood that every Christian has to continually employ the will and effort, since the process of spiritual purification goes on through all of life; every Christian must always seek spiritual illumination through understanding and learning; and every Christian has access to conscious union with God, at least from time to time, no matter how "rudimentary" or "advanced" we are spiritually. They are really just three overlapping dimensions of our relationship with God, rather than three distinct stages we must pass through. While one of these practices may need to be more dominant in our lives at times than others, we will always need to attend to all three. As Thomas Merton said about the accessibility of union to all who seek it:

Any moment you can break through into the underlying unity which is God's gift in Christ.

And so if we look at purification, illumination, and union in this way, we can see that this model proposes not only a ladder of perfection, but also a way of entering into relationship with God through various means, each of which is called for at various times.

Traditionally, in this three-fold schema, purification has usually addressed that part of our faith life that has to do with moral behavior, the avoidance of sin and the practice of virtue. Illumination has had to do with study and learning, and union with contemplative prayer. However, for the purposes of this chapter, which concerns itself with the development of a practice of contemplative prayer, I will confine my discussion of these three dimensions to the ways in which they relate specifically to contemplative prayer.

Purification can be practiced in contemplative prayer through our will and effort.. To begin with, we must get up in the morning, we must try, we must work at developing a habit of contemplative prayer. We must also bring awareness through our body in a concentrated way, sitting still, keeping our consciousness fixed on our breath, our senses, on a word or phrase. By employing our will, we bring attention to our practice. The Buddhist training in mindfulness is a good example of this part of prayer. Our lives become more purified through this attentive effort in prayer.

Illumination comes as we learn about ourselves in the silence of contemplation. We watch our mind and emotions at work in the form of involuntary thought and emotional activity (commonly called "distractions"). By doing so we come to understand more about ourselves as we really are; we grow in self-awareness. Prayer developed by Ignatius of Loyola and his religious order, the Jesuits, is an example of this kind of prayer, which examines both the conscience and what comes up in the imagination. Our lives become more illumined through this process of prayerful self-awareness.

Union is the underlying reality of our life in God, of which we seek to be conscious in contemplative prayer. Specific practices for this include surrender, not being effortful or self-aware, letting go of all thought, and sitting in silent, loving devotion to the One who is all in all. We open the heart to that which already is: our union with God. Centering Prayer focuses on this particular dimension of contemplation. We see our unity with God more and more, through this prayer of opening and surrender.

Here, then, is the way in which I'll be approaching a holistic contemplative practice. Loving God with our strength includes effort and will, physical dedication, attention, and concentration, and this leads to a kind of purification, simplification, and clarification of our life. Loving God with our mind and heart includes watching involuntary thought and emotions in the silence, coming to illumination through self-awareness. Loving God with our soul includes opening the heart and surrender, which leads to an experience of our union with the divine.

My own orientation to contemplative prayer is through the Eastern Christian prayer of the heart. This kind of prayer is also known through one of its forms, the Jesus Prayer, or by the Greek word for "stillness," hesychasm. While its name "prayer of the heart" seems to emphasize only the third dimension of prayer (union) that has to do with surrender and opening the heart, it actually encompasses concentration (purification) and self-awareness (illumination) as well.

I will say much more about this in the next chapter, but for now it might be helpful to know that in this most ancient and continuous of Christian contemplative traditions, all three dimensions I address here come together: the will, the mind, and the heart (attention, awareness, and opening to God). It is for this reason that many of my examples and quotations come from this tradition. But in using these examples, I do not mean to imply that this holism is absent from other Christian contemplative paths. The same patterns can be seen throughout the wide diversity of our rich history of spirituality and mysticism. It is just that for me, the clarity of this three-fold inter-relationship is more evident in the prayer of the heart.

Again, it may be that right now, one of these three dimensions of prayer will speak to you more than the other two. It may be that your personality is generally more oriented to one than the other. But as every religious tradition teaches, we are called to broaden our practice of prayer and meditation so that it utilizes, eventually, our whole being: the will, the mind, and the heart. We can do this through praying with concentration, self-awareness, and opening to God. By the grace of God, we are lead through these means to greater purification, illumination, and union.

The Contemplative in the Church (From Chapter Four)

The first section of this book is concerned with the development of a practice of contemplative prayer. This is primary, for we can only look at contemplation from the inside out, by becoming people of prayer. And as Thomas Merton said, "if you want a life of prayer, the way to get to it is by praying."

Now it is time to consider the essential context for that life of prayer, which is, for the Christian, in one form or another, the Church and her tradition that is embodied in worship, teaching, community, and service. I believe this context is essential for all Christians who seek spiritual growth and maturity for several reasons. The first is that community is something basic to the very nature of Christianity. Secondly, left on one's own, it is all too possible to develop spiritually in unhealthy and unbalanced ways. Finally, without the broader context of the faith tradition and its community, we will eventually run up against our own personal limitations and stop growing. The Church provides a wisdom, challenge, depth, diversity, support, corrective, historical continuity, and ritual life that simply cannot be found on one's own.

At the outset, however, let me be clear about what I mean by Christian community. The modern American parish form is not the only kind of Christian community. In fact, it is entirely possible that whole segments of our population are never likely to feel drawn to parish life because of the parish's tendency to take on cultural qualities that have nothing to do with the faith: dressing up, sitting quietly in rows, listening to and singing particular kinds of music, forming committees, creating and fulfilling ambitious goals, etc. So when I say that Christian community and tradition in some form is essential to every Christian, I recognize that not everyone is going to benefit from the parish as it tends to be in our culture.

There are other models of Christian community where the tradition is celebrated and handed down, which operate under slightly different cultural norms: monasteries, spirituality centers, seminaries, street ministries...far too few, really. But until additional alternatives begin to be more common, the parish as we know it in our culture is the most likely place to find Christian community and its traditions, and quite often, it is a good place to do so.

For a contemplative in particular, remaining grounded in the Church and her tradition may present particular difficulties. We can be introverted, individualistic, wary of external forms of religion, and rooted in our own personal experience. The parish, by its very nature, is more extroverted, institutional, and based upon objective and external forms of authority and teaching.

I can't count the number of times I've been told by someone that they're "into spirituality, not organized religion." I'm certainly glad that our generation has seized the importance of a personal, meaningful appropriation of faith, I fully understand the serious failings of our institutional Church, and I also know how much more deeply some experience God when they are alone in a mountain meadow than when they're in Church.

But I am also afraid that we are left with a lot of people who lack the kind of depth, continuity, balance, commitment, and wisdom that comes from an immersion in a faith community and its tradition. Any form of spirituality, if it has any depth, is rooted in and carried forward through history by "organized religion" and its rituals, stories, teachings, and community, even its hierarchy, buildings, and budgets. The institution is what holds together and passes on the spiritual experiences of great numbers of people over a long period of time (as the Church has done for the contemplative tradition).

The Church offers to the spiritual seeker, to the contemplative, a community of other seekers, who will offer both support and challenge. She offers deeply symbolic, historically grounded rites that express humankind's deepest longings and truths. There are opportunities to serve those in need, time-tested disciplines of spiritual practice, sacred texts and theological and moral guidance. The Church is certainly not perfect. But even her imperfection is of benefit to the spiritual seeker, who must find ways of being spiritual in an imperfect world, and who must also encounter his or her own limitations as they bump up against those of others.

A documentary film called "Monastery" was done many years ago on the Trappist community in Spencer, Massachusetts. One young monk made a comment in an interview that has remained with me every since I saw it. He said that the monastery "is just like everyday life in the world; the only difference is that we put a frame around it." I believe that the same thing could be said of the Church in general.

In the local, regional, and worldwide Church we gather all sorts of people together to engage in all the normal sorts of human activities that we do elsewhere: administration, education, fundraising, social service, community-building, and personal relationships. The only difference is, we put a frame around all of this life. The frame is Jesus Christ and what he called the kingdom of God: love, forgiveness, justice, and worship of our Creator. This is an enormous difference, for it tells us that as the Church we are invited to live our everyday life together in a certain way. Agreeing to this ground rule, we can then set about doing administration, relationships, education, and service to others with a very different kind of orientation and goal.

As such our Church life together becomes a microcosm of everyday life, focused in a particular kind of way so that it will serve as a training ground for the rest of life. St. Benedict called the monastery "a school for the Lord's service." For the seeker, life in the Church becomes a training school that prepares one for the rest of life.

How can a contemplative, in particular, learn in this school? How we expand our practice of contemplation so that it is not limited to formal times of prayer, but includes our life in the Church? In the pages that follow, I hope to offer some responses to these questions.

Suffering and New Life (From Chapter Eight)

Becoming Christ includes an embrace of the cross. Jesus' path must become ours, and his path includes the cross. After all, Jesus spoke frequently of his own suffering and death which would come as an essential part of his journey. When Peter tried to deny this fact, Jesus rebuked him, even calling this denial demonic: "Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things"(Mark 8:33). Jesus then extended his cross into the lives of his followers: "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross."Just after he said this, he was transfigured in glory on the mountain top, in the presence of Peter and James and John. In this series of sayings and story, glory is related somehow to suffering, and Jesus will not let others deny this reality. Not only that, he teaches them that their own spiritual transfiguration will somehow involve suffering.

In our day there is a kind of popular spirituality that denies the cross, that runs away from darkness and difficulty instead of embracing it as part of our journey into holiness. This spiritual positivism claims that we can experience joy and enlightenment by getting rid of anything "negative," and by focusing on the "positive." While endemic to new age spiritualities, spiritual positivism is not limited to them. A tendency in this direction is found in the church as well. This is why we had to move the liturgical celebration of Good Friday (with its very sobering reading of the Passion Narrative) to Palm Sunday: in order to "catch" the worshipers on Sunday who would otherwise avoid Good Friday, thus skipping directly from the Hosanna! of Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem to the Alleluia! of the resurrection.

For some, there is a benefit to the practice of positive thinking, and it is certainly human to try to avoid suffering. But I'm afraid that Jesus would respond to spiritual positivism that denies the cross by saying that its followers have set their minds not on divine things, but on human things. For the path that leads to God leads through the cross, at some point.

A practice of contemplative prayer brings us to the cross. Certainly life will do the same, but in contemplative prayer we are given a way of working with the cross. The difficulties of our life will arise in silence with God, and God will not magically fix or take them away. We must learn patience and humility, sitting through our pain with an open heart. We must learn to just be present, with our difficulty, to God. Instead of closing down around it, we open it up in love and adoration, in complete trust and vulnerability. By doing so, our pain is joined to God, and it is redeemed. We are transformed. Our suffering is no longer just "ours," a private possession: it is part of the pain of the world, part of the cross. Gazing at the cross, our private suffering is lifted up into Christ, who shares it and thus helps us transcend our prison of pain. But even more than that, Christ redeems our suffering, moving us into resurrection, so that we are made new people in him.

Detachment, Freedom, Love (From Chapter Nine)

The early contemplative fathers of our tradition developed this spacious way of seeing all without judgment, accepting whatever came in life as part of the tapestry of existence. They would intentionally put themselves in situations where they knew that their attachments would be challenged, and where they would learn to take on the wider perspective of life in God.. Such radical practices loosen the grip that is clenched around the way we want life to be, and allow for a movement into a greater freedom of spirit.

This spacious, freedom of spirit was called, in the desert tradition, apatheia. Despite this Greek word's obvious connection with the word apathy, contemplative apatheia is anything but apathetic. While some may believe in the stereotype of the contemplative as a self-absorbed, uncaring and unfeeling person removed from the passions of life (and some contemplatives may fit this description), it is a false stereotype. Contemplative detachment, true apatheia, leads to a spacious view of life as God sees it, which leads to freedom and love. For the contemplative, detachment is freedom from attachments, not a distancing from people and from life. Detachment is liberty from the prison of all that enslaves us and keeps us from engaging in life with joy, peace, clarity, and love.

All of us struggle with attachments: how we think we're supposed to be, look or feel; possessions; being liked; being a "winner" or even a "loser;" having a certain lifestyle; particular beliefs about others; and even the smallest, most insignificant details working out the way we want them to (like getting through an intersection before the light turns red). As long as we live, we will always, to some degree, be attached, at least from time to time. Such is the human condition. Detachment is the process of de-attaching. It is not the process of becoming an unfeeling automaton; it is de-attaching from the things that enslave us. As a contemporary commentator on the desert fathers noted:

Apatheia destroys the attachment to "passions," but these refer not to the God-given emotions...but rather to sinful, inner attachments to selfishness, rooted by sin in the natural passions. The sign of having attained this state of integration on the body, soul, and spirit levels is when the Christian can occupy his or her mind and heart with the continual presence of God.

This integration, this liberty of spirit is apatheia, which frees us from everything that stands in the way of our enjoyment of life, of God, and of others. The path to this detachment is, I believe, feeling and observing our true attachments in the moment (especially in silent prayer), then learning how to dis-identify with whatever has captured us, and moving into a place of seeing our attachments within the context of whole picture.

This spacious, big picture, which includes our human attachments but also the beauty and truth of life within and around them, is the divine perspective, a gift of the Spirit. It is seeing with God's eyes. This spacious perspective gives us the ability to be free and present to God in ways that are impossible when we are caught up in our attachments instead. Spacious detachment, apatheia, moves us out of our illusions and brings us back to reality, back to our true selves. Two contemplative fathers put it this way:

When the intellect is no longer dissipated among external things or dispersed across the world through the senses, it returns to itself; and by means of itself it ascends to the thought of God.

—Basil the Great

The one who has apatheia has returned to himself, has entered into the treasure house that is within. - Isaac the Syrian

Returning to ourselves, we are able to be the person that we actually are in Christ. We are able, at least at times, to experience freedom from sin, suffering, and all the things in life that temporarily possess us.

What are we doing when we worship and what does it have to do with our life?

Dancing in Time

Liturgy marks time. Our week is marked by the celebration of the resurrection on the morning of the first day. The week, as well as our lives, are a new creation. Liturgy also marks even larger cycles. The liturgical seasons of the church year provide a way of acknowledging the passage of the seasons of nature. By them we also observe certain basic truths about our life in God. Every year we go through the same journey, from Advent through Pentecost, and in so doing so we revisit the touchstones of our faith. Over time we make them our own. It may be that we are never exactly in sync with the seasons, but that doesn’t matter. We may never really experience repentance during the six weeks of Lent. God’s nearness may become real for us in the middle of summer rather than at Christmas time. This is not a problem. What is important is that we walk the journey every year so that these themes become a part of who we are. We begin to look at our experience through the lens of incarnation, crucifixion and resurrection.

Advent

The church year begins in Advent. This is observed at a time of year, four weeks before Christmas, when the sun is at its lowest. The days are short and the nights are long. In many parts of the world it is cold. We turn inward. Seasonally speaking, Advent is a time of waiting for the sun. We wait for the light to overcome the darkness. On a purely natural level, this is a time of expectation.

The readings during Advent reflect this natural reality. We are a people who live in darkness, awaiting the coming of God’s light. Christ’s birth is immanent, and we can hear its approach. We remember our sins which keep us in darkness. We stand looking ahead to the coming of God in our lives.

The church used to focus her attention upon the need for repentance during this season, as a way of properly preparing for the coming of God into our lives. This was marked by the use of purple altar hangings and vestments, the color of penitence which is also used in the season of Lent. But now more and more parishes put the emphasis upon expectation and hope. Repentance is a part of preparation, but it should not dominate. The color that is used more now is blue, which was, in fact, the color for Advent in parts of the medieval church. Blue is the color of the vast sky and the immense ocean. Blue brings us out of the closeness of our wintry isolation and opens us to god’s transcendence. Blue is also the traditional color for Mary, who at this point in our story is quite pregnant. We wait with Mary, honoring and imitating her willingness to carry Jesus into life.

On the first Sunday of Advent, an evergreen wreath with four candles is placed near the altar. The first is lit this first Sunday, and one more candle is lit on every subsequent Sunday, culminating in all four the last Sunday. This heightens the sense of expectation. We can see the light that begins to break into the darkness even now, and it is growing. The use of evergreen symbolizes the constant presence of God, the ever present newness of our life lived in Christ.

As we celebrate this annual festival of expectation, perhaps we can learn to hope. Now hope is a tricky thing. It can be the fervent expectation that things will turn out the way we want them to. Hope can be a way of expecting that God will, in fact, behave just as we think is best.

Not only does this lead to disappointment, it undermines our faith. There is another kind of expectation that is healthy. This is the inner knowledge, coming from experience, that tells us that God’s life in us will deepen. We learn over time that life is good and that even if things turn out tragically, life will still be good and we will still be able to appreciate what is before us. This is a mystery of the cross and the resurrection. It is not that we can have the hope, the faith that we will be spared from crucifixion. It is a deep knowledge that even when crucifixion comes, we will, in time, be resurrected. This deep knowledge is like a foundation, giving us equanimity and bringing peace to our days, no matter what the circumstances. This is what Jesus referred to as the coming of the kingdom of God. For him, this kingdom was both breaking in, even now, and yet it was still to come in its fullness. His followers could see the kingdom of heaven through Jesus’ love and healing miracles. They could also expect that in the future, they would know the kingdom when it would be realized fully. The coming of this kingdom figures strongly in the season of Advent. Like the candles of the Advent wreath, the light pierces our darkness even now, and it is growing into its fulfillment in us.

And so during Advent we make an annual pilgrimage to our hope. We revisit the reasonable expectation that we have the ability to enjoy this moment, and that God will give us the grace to grow into this ability. We will still act for change, we will work for what we need and want, we will strive for justice and peace. But we can do so without anxiety, without the clinging fear for what will happen if it doesn’t work out.

Christmas

In pre-Christian popular religion (called paganism by some Christians) the festival of the winter solstice was extremely important. This is true of all nature-centered religions: Celtic Stonehenge, Chaco Canyon and the ancient Southwest Native American Anasazi, the Zapotec’s Monte Alban in witness to the popularity of this universal festival. In a time when one’s yearly survival depended upon the warmth and light of sun and the coming of spring, the solstice was no small matter. It represented the annual victory of life over impending death. It was the solstice that prompted the church to place the festival of Christmas at this time of year. We don’t know when Jesus was born, but the early church sure knew when the winter solstice was. We moved in and used the symbols with which the people were familiar. Christmas took on meaning immediately.

Christ is the representation of the victory of light over darkness. The prophet Isaiah is read at Christmas, proclaiming the coming of God’s light upon those who sit in darkness, in the shadow of death. The prologue of the gospel of John is also read, telling us that in Christ, the light came into the darkness of the world and the darkness did not overcome it.

On Christmas, the vestments are changed to white and gold, signifying the brilliance of God’s light. Hymns and carols are sung that recall the light of the star which guided the wise men to the manger, and continue to guide us to God as well. At the end of the liturgy, often an acolyte distributes a light from the creche, so that the candle is lit in the hand of each person in the worship building. We are enlightened as the room positively glows. We take this light out into the darkness of the night. Like a light, God is present with us. The twelve days of Christmas, which make up the season, are a time of remembering the birth of Jesus, the beginning of his lifetime of light on this earth. In Jesus, we say that God was enfleshed in this man’s life. This is the Incarnation, the making-flesh. Incarnation is the presence of God in this world of matter and time, the immanent reality of the holy in the midst of the every day. In Jesus, we see the holiness if God. But God’s enfleshment is not limited to Jesus; this particular incarnation points to the universal incarnation of God in all creation. Christmas is a celebration of matter, of flesh, and blood, of creation. The love of God is such that we can see God in the world in which we live. I’m not sure why the church is so afraid of pantheism; perhaps it is pantheism’s tendency towards idolatry, mistaking the created world for its Creator. Perhaps it is also self-hatred, a fear of our own bodies and the potential destructiveness of lust in its various forms. I’m sure that as a radical interpretation of the Incarnation, pantheism and unbridled hedonism would not be healthy for the Christian church. But can’t we take the Incarnation seriously enough to become panentheistic (which is to say, God in all)?

The Christian liturgical churches are very earthy. We lay our hands on each other for ordination and healing. We eat bread and drink wine. Priests smear oil on the heads of people when they are sick or being baptized. Bishops sometimes lightly slap the face of those being confirmed, reminding them of the suffering which is entailed in the Jesus path. We bring up cash to the altar at a high point in the Eucharist. Everybody hugs each other during the peace. We sprinkle or dip ourselves in baptismal water. In matrimony, we celebrate the joining of a man and a woman in matrimony, we bless the sexual act which seals their spiritual union.

This earthiness is a celebration of presence of God in all Creation. Sexual abuse of self or others is a problem, but we must realize that it is anti-Christian to be anti-sex. Alcoholism and addiction to other substances is rampant, but it is anti-Christian to hate the pleasure of food and drink. Materialism is the besetting sin of our culture, but it is anti-Christian to scorn the beauty of art, gardens, fabric, architecture, handcrafts, gifts, furniture and other worldly stuff.

We are people of the earth. We are made in the image of the creator. As such we are co-creators, working with God’s materials and God’s skill which flows through us. An overly sin and salvation-based faith can obscure this basic reality. Before there is separation and the need for salvation, there is the joy of life. This is our birthright.

Christmas is a joyous celebration of the goodness of the earth, the holiness of this world. God can be seen and known in this life just as assuredly as God can be seen in the life of Jesus of Nazareth. And Jesus’ life attests to this. He lived in the kingdom of heaven, eating and drinking and laughing and touching all the way. Our practice should be one which leads us back into the goodness of our bodies, the stuff of our lives and the earth. This appreciation can grow through the celebration of the sacraments of the church. It can grow through a daily prayer experience of being present to what is, in this life. It can certainly grow through a yearly celebration of the light and goodness of God’s incarnation in this world.

Epiphany

The season of Epiphany follows. This is the time that we think of God’s light in Jesus spreading out into the world. It begins with the visit of the three wise men to the manger. They were the first who came from far away to see Jesus. Their contact with this light symbolizes the beginning of its dissemination. Jesus is presented in the temple next, which is the consecration of this new life which has come into the world. The baptism of Jesus follows, which began his movement into his adult ministry among people. Throughout the season, we hear gospel stories of Jesus calling his disciples, and of their response. They begin to move in the light. Finally, at the end of the season, Jesus is changed into glorious light in the vision of Peter, James and John on the mount of the transfiguration. He is fully seen, and he is transparent to the light of God. During this season the church uses the color of green. This is the color of growth, of the plant world that so depends upon light for its nurturance.

As we hear of the light of Christ being spread into the world, we are reminded of the same in our lives. We are called out of isolation into the world. We are to be agents of the spirit of this light of God.

For very good reasons, evangelism has become a distasteful word. We have learned to be careful about television hucksters, robotic door-to-door mouthpieces for religious systems, and smiling friends who want us to validate their recent change of life by doing what they did. We feel as if we are being manipulated because we are. Evangelism has become a guilt and pressure trip designed to get people to accept a specific ideology. In the more liberal churches, evangelism is often a code word for getting more bodies and their money into their building. Snappy programs are provided for new member greeting, inclusion, involvement and commitment. There is nothing wrong with being friendly and helping folks feel at home in a new community. But the kind of evangelism that focuses on numbers is just another form of fearful, grasping materialism.

True evangelism requires something more of us than salesmanship. True evangelism asks us to know something of God’s presence in our lives, to be aware of its real effect upon us, and to be willing to share what we know of it with others who express a need for it. When we talk to a friend who is going through and divorce about our own struggles with pain and healing, we are being evangelical. When we share our story of death and resurrection of alcoholism and recovery, we are evangelists. When we describe the effects of our meditation to a stressed-out friend who has asked about it, we are evangelizing. Whenever we tell what we know of the effect of God’s light as we have experienced it, we are spreading the gospel, the good news, of God. All we can share is what we know. It is arrogant and foolish to speak about ideas of which we have no real experience.

Just as Jesus’ light began to spread out of the world, so does ours. The most profound sharing of this takes place without our even trying. As we practice our religion and the daily discipline of prayer, we are changed. We become lighter, more balanced, less fearful and bitter. This is apparent to those who need it themselves, and to those who have eyes to see it. They will ask. As I examine the gospels, I do not see Jesus spreading the light of the gospel by trying to convince people of their need for his doctrine. I see a man who has been transformed by God’s light, a man who is completely transparent to God within him. Others are drawn to this, and he responds to their unique situation as he sees it. He speaks to them of their life, and of his experience of God as he knows it. This sharing is the light-spreading evangelization for Epiphany.

Lent

Lent is the next liturgical season of the church. The decorative furnishings of the church are covered or taken out. There are no flowers used during this season. To set the tone, liturgy often begins with penitence and absolution. The clergy are vested with purple, the deep passionate color of repentance and suffering. Music is subdued. Alleluias are forsaken. In many parts of the world, the bareness of Lent is matched by the winter as it drags on. The season begins with the imposition of ashes, a gripping awakening of our own mortality. We say “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” We are called to return from separation to our essential unity with God: right now, because life is short. And if we ever doubt that there are a myriad of ways in which we still separate ourselves from God and one another, it only takes one look at the daunting litany of Ash Wednesday to bring us back to reality.

The readings of Lent are powerful. On the first Sunday we hear the story of Jesus’ forty-day fast and temptation in the desert. Like him, we are made aware of the temptations of ambition, despair and materialism. Prophets wail laments about the injustices of Israel’s monarchy, and we reflect upon our own social injustices. The prophets call Israel, and now us, to change our ways. In Lent we go through a forty day journey, along with Jesus who fasted in the wilderness for forty days, and with the sojourning Israelites centuries before who were lost in the same desert for forty years. In biblical symbolism the number forty simply represents a long time. The season of Lent is long enough to give us a yearly taste of what happens in our lives at other times; our journey through the desert takes a long time. We all come to know the lost emptiness of that place, and Lent assures us that even though it is always long, it is a natural part of the journey, and therefore good.

In terms of seasons, Lent is the best known. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it is because the church has made more of this season than the seasons of Advent, Christmas, Epiphany and Easter. The churches fascination with Lent is well known: hair shirts, penance, giving up pleasures, fasting and confession. In the history of the church there has been more actual practice during this season than any other. People go to extra masses and confessions, they abstain from things and they take on extra good works. Why is this?

Part of the reason is that guilt is easier than real practice. The alcoholic says “poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.” To practice the hard work of recovery is much harder than self-pity. I an told that when I was young, my natural father used to come home drunk and hold me in his arms, weeping about what a bad father he was. I would have preferred that he had changed and thus avoided the divorce which soon came. I weep for a lifetime about the father-shaped hole in my life, because he didn’t do anything more than weep then. Lenten self-loathing can become a handy way of avoiding what is necessary.

But self-loathing is not what repentance is about. The Greek New Testament word for repentance is metanoia, which means turning. We do not sit in our sin, moaning about the mess we have made. We see our separation, stand up and turn towards the light. It is not a one-time turning, either. Most difficult issues require that we repent over and over again. A monk was once asked what his life was like in the monastery. He said “we fall down, get up and walk, fall down, get up once more and walk, fall down...” This is life. Perhaps Lent is popular because it is so real. Life is filled with the practice of turning every day.

Lent brings the judgment- that is, the truth, not the condemnation - of God. Like Israel, we stand under the truth about ourselves and reflect upon who we are, what we have done and what we have left undone. Judgment never feels good, but we can embrace it when it comes rather than hide from it? To see ourselves as we are is a tremendous life-giving gift. Without it, growth is impossible. With it, we can be free from the things which have been controlling us from their hiding place in the dark. Brought into the light by the judgment of God, they lose their power. This is the forgiveness of God, who stands ready to renew us as we face the truth. Lent is an annual opportunity to do this self-examination, to stand under the light and look. Lent is an annual opportunity to remember that all year long we can receive the truth, turn and live.

Holy Week: Palm Sunday

At the end of this season, we enter into the passion and mystery of Holy Week. We begin with the triumphal entry of Jesus into the city of Jerusalem. He has, at this point in the story, become quite popular. The crowds are buzzing about his recent resurrection of Lazarus, after he was four days dead in the tomb. They know of his healing power and there is a rumor that he is the Messiah, the long awaited one who will liberate Israel: perhaps from Roman occupation, perhaps from their sins. A crowd gathers and Jesus is regaled as a conquering hero. Naturally, the religious and civil authorities are nervous.

The church celebrates this day in a strange way. Not trusting the people to come to church on any other day other than Sunday, we observe both the triumphal entry and Good Friday’s crucifixion on Palm Sunday. The truly pious then go back in time during the week to pick up the rest of the story in between the Last Supper). The crucifixion story is repeated on Friday itself. Many years ago in our parish we started believing that people would come to church on Good Friday, to hear that part of the story. We also figured that if someone wanted to avoid the cross in their life, it would take more than the passion narrative presented on a Sunday to change that. So we stuck to the triumphal entry on Palm Sunday, giving due respect to that event.

Playing with the liturgy of Jesus’ triumphal entry, we are given the opportunity to do two things. Together with the crowd in Jerusalem, we voice our gratitude and wonder for Jesus, the one who brought us the way of life. But we also know what is coming. We have, in the back of our minds, the knowledge that we, too, will betray his way. We will deny the immediate presence of God. We will fear, cling, hate and refuse to forgive. This is the way we are. Today we turn to God and tomorrow we turn away. It helps to know this, to act it out in liturgical play. That way we will be less likely to be disillusioned about our fickleness.

Maundy Thursday

On Maundy Thursday the church continues with the passion story. It is the evening of Jesus’ and the disciples’ last meal together. In our parish, we gather in the informality of the parish hall. Prior to the meal, we hear the gospel of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet, and we do likewise to each other. Like Jesus did, we continue with the consecration of the bread, which is laid out upon the head table. This is distributed to all. A simple meal of dried and raw fruits, vegetables, cheese, nuts and bread follows. After the meal, like Jesus, we take the wine, consecrate and distribute it. Finally we make our way silently into the worship building where we hear the account of Jesus’ agony and plea for companionship and prayer in the Garden of Gethsemene. The altar is completely stripped and we sit silently in the near dark, awaiting the betrayal and arrest which is to follow. An all-night vigil ensues, with individuals coming as they wish during the night.

This liturgy can be a powerful experience. The foot washing can humble us. Once people get over touching such an intimate naked part of someone else’s body, it can become an act of servanthood. We awaken our human ability to give freely of ourselves to another, to lavish tender compassion upon even a stranger.

In the informal Last Supper Eucharist, we may come to see that every Eucharist is a meal. We gather as a family of faith around the table that is the altar. In this meal we re-enact a meal which sealed Jesus’ intention to be with us every time we do the same. This Maundy Thursday Eucharist can also bring home the fact that every meal at home, every lunch with a friend, is a holy sacrament of God’s presence in food, love and nurture. We break bread together and something deeper is broken open and shared between us: God’s being.

Good Friday

In the darkness of the night watch, anything can happen. I used to live about a ten-minute walk from the church, and I’d get up at about 2:30 a.m. on Maundy Thursday for an hour of prayer during the watch. I would walk down the ditchbank, under the moon, sometimes through the snow. When I go, I enter into the worship building, seeing the votive candles, one or two other pilgrims and a stark, bare altar with the door to the reserved sacrament standing open, revealing an utter emptiness that bespoke of Jesus’ abandonment. This is the beginning of a hollow feeling that always continues for me through the next 24 hours of Good Friday. I sit in silence, allowing myself to be empty. It’s good to be there, and the time passes swiftly.

The next morning I walk as in a dream, waiting for the terrible drama which is to unfold at noon. For three hours we gather in the barren church. We contemplate during long silences, fifteen minutes at a time. These are punctuated by readings from the passion narrative, long chants and homilies. Time is stretched thin and my belly growls from fasting. We enter into the death of Jesus.

Jesus emptied himself during his three hours on the cross, his three days in the tomb, and his awakening to new life. This experience of death and resurrection is found in our lives any time that we find ourselves empty, dying to the demands and fears of the false, self-centered life of the ego. It is normal for all seekers, and even for some non-seekers to whom it just happens. Grace visits us when we die to self, and we are born again. A man stares at the bubbles in the dishwater and suddenly he moves from despair to wonder. A meditator is assailed by demons, and then she breaks through to the clear sky beyond. An alcoholic hits a vile bottom of ugliness, and then begins anew as if an innocent baby. A gang member awakens from the surgery which removed a bullet from his chest and is finally able to surrender to love. This is the death and resurrection of Christ. God does this everywhere, to anyone who seeks and allows it.

Holy Saturday

The brief liturgy of Holy Saturday is a continuation of the emptiness of Good Friday. We come to the church and simply remember Jesus’ death, and our own dying to self.

Easter Day and Season

In our parish, the primary liturgy of Easter is the Great Vigil, which begins in the darkness of pre-dawn on Sunday morning. We gather outside and light the paschal flame, signifying the powerful grace of God who brings light into darkness. Following the deacon onto the dark church, candles are lit throughout. During the long rite of readings, which chronicle the many death and resurrection events of the people of Israel before Jesus, the pre-dawn light increases. As the sun rises and shines triumphantly through the stained glass, the gospel of Jesus’ victory over death is chanted.

We have walked together this Holy Week journey from initial triumph to humble servanthood, from betrayal to emptiness and death and finally to the enlightenment of new life. There are no guarantees that we will feel the sentiments of these realities as we carry them out liturg